Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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