It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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