hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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