I can text with my tongue
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
