Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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