Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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