How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
