I can tuck mytits in my pants
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
