I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
