just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize