Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize