Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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