umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
