I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
