I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
God, I missed his penis.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize