You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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