Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
