Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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