im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
