Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
