seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize