the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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