You made me cry and you don't even care
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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