Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I had to cum in my sink.
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