Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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