I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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