Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
