beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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