The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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