Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My feet surprised me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize