afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
