dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
