Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
