If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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