Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
