My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
