hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
