i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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