I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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