i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
