she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
