Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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