Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
