After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
