i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
