Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
