Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just invented taco cereal.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
