She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have aggressive nipples.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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