Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
