I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
