On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
