There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
