I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
