He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
