I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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