guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
