all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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