the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You took a bar mat shot.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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