For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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