Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
