I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I did not marry a roomba.
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