no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
