I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
