Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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