It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
