I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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