I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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