My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
