TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ketchup is God's man juice
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
