We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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