he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
