how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
