Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
