i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize